WHAT IS LOVE

WHAT IS LOVE

What is love? And how do I know that I love her? The answer to a seemingly simple question is far more complex and multifaceted than one might imagine. However, the eight Greek words for love can help explain the many aspects of that simple four-letter word. Eros is the most romantic form of love. It drives the thoughts and emotions of a person and often is expressed as passion. Society's misconception about this form of love may classify it as lust. However, this is not how it is viewed in Greek. Ludus is much more subtle and is more of a playful kind of love. It often involves teasing, laughter, and a sense of giddiness - often evident in the beginning of new relationships. Mania on the other hand leans into the obsessive kind of love that can be toxic and harmful. Philautia is self-love. When stemming from compassion, acceptance, and appreciation of oneself, it can lead into loving others even better. Agape is offered unconditionally from God to man and from Christians to others. Rather than this love being dependent on emotions, family, or obligation, it is given free of charge to all. 

Philia is a brotherly kind of love where there is shared trust and an emotional bond between two people who see themselves as equals. Storge is an instinctual love shown as long-lasting familiarity and loyalty - often expressed within family. And finally, there is pragma - a matured love - discovered after years of dedication, sacrifice, and experience with one person when it has become habit. 

So, I probably do love her. The question then becomes: am I loving her in the way that I want to? Is it true love? If taking off in a plane for the first time is exciting, then the anticipation of reaching altitude with the girl of my dreams is 100 times more exhilarating. The first hug, first kiss, first dance, first date - the first time of feeling like I am in love. It is an intoxicating feeling - full of eros and ludus. But, it is not true love - not fully. To properly define true love, we require certain qualities from five of the eight Greek words: the excitement and intensity of eros, the mutual respect and acknowledgement of equality within philia, the fun of ludus, the longevity of pragma, and the ability to choose to give each of these because of the agape given to us first. In the beginning, true love might feel easy. In the beginning, it often is. But while eros and ludus may occupy as the main form of true love in the beginning of a relationship, they must soon allow room for the other aspects of love to develop in order for it to remain true.  

There must be a conscious decision to love. If eros is what falling in love feels like, then pragma is the result of two people having continued to make the choice to eros, ludus, and philia each other even as they weather the storms of life. When my feelings say, "No," because they are worn out and it feels like eros is running on empty, will I still choose the girl I chose to love two years, two months, and 28 days ago? I choose yes. My choice to love her comes with the understanding that I am only standing knee deep in an ocean of what true love actually is and that in order to fully understand it and see what it can become, I have to be willing to dive into the deep. If I say yes to this, it does not mean it will be easy. But, maybe that's the point. Is true love ever born out of logic and critical thinking? Or, is it born out of willingness and choice? 

Anyone who thinks that true love is the result of a one-time choice or an easy choice is naïve. Rather, it is the compilation of choosing to cherish, serve, support, and provide for her every day until I breathe my last breath; all the while growing in the necessary aspects of eros, ludus, philia, agape, and pragma. Thus, acquiring true love becomes more about the journey than reaching any single destination. And that journey starts with a choice. A choice that I made again 18 days ago when I asked her, "Will you marry me?" "Yes."